Stop Your Inner Critic

ENIntroduction.

ENA Special Dedication.

ENWelcome to Your English Toolbox, your slow English podcast, where we train your ears and your mind step by step.

ENI am Julia.

ENAnd I am Martin.

ENToday represents a special shift for our podcast and for us personally.

ENWe have been reading your comments, and we realized something important.

ENWe do not see you just as an audience or listeners anymore.

ENWe see you as friends.

ENAnd because of that, we want to ask you something very small, but very important.

ENPlease leave a comment after the episode.

ENYour comments help us build our community and show the platforms that our podcast is alive and growing.

ENEvery single comment makes a real difference.

ENIt helps us reach new listeners and continue creating new episodes for you.

ENSo, from now on, we are going to talk to you exactly like that, as friends.

ENThis new series is actually dedicated to two specific friends of ours from Lithuania.

ENThey are our friends, Zay and Vy.

ENThese two wonderful girls left a comment on our previous episode about how to talk to yourself.

ENThey shared their thoughts, and it inspired us to go much deeper into this topic.

ENWe realized that we needed to expand on these ideas to truly help them, and to help you.

ENSo, to our Lithuanian friends, thank you for the inspiration, this series is for you.

ENAnd to everyone listening, please talk to us in the comments.

ENTell us what you are struggling with or what specific points you want us to cover.

ENWe will create tailored episodes just to answer your questions, just like we are doing today.

ENBefore we start, could you do us a quick favor?

ENIf you feel like a friend today, please leave a comment or a like to support the show.

ENIt helps us find more friends around the world.

ENNow let's open the toolbox.

ENToday, in part one of this special series, we are facing an invisible enemy.

ENIt is the voice that wakes up with you in the morning and whispers, "You are not good enough."

ENWe are talking about the inner critic.

ENWe are going to identify it, understand it, and give you the tools to stop it.

ENPart one.

ENWhy is this voice so mean?

ENMartin, I think our friends listening know exactly what voice we are talking about.

ENIt is that automatic negative reflex that jumps out whenever we try something new.

ENYou want to apply for a better job, and the voice says, "Don't bother.

ENYou are not qualified."

ENYou want to post a creative photo on Instagram, and it says, "People will laugh at you."

ENYou want to speak English in a meeting, and it screams, "You will make a mistake and look stupid."

ENIt feels like this voice hates us, doesn't it?

ENIt feels like a bully living inside our own heads.

ENBut here is the surprising truth, the inner critic is actually trying to help you.

ENIt is a very old, very outdated survival mechanism.

ENThousands of years ago, if you made a mistake or stood out from the tribe, you could die.

ENIf you were rejected by your group, you would not survive the winter.

ENSo the brain developed a warning system to keep you safe.

ENIt learned to say, "Stay small, stay quiet, don't take risks."

ENThe problem is that your brain still thinks public speaking is a life-or-death situation.

ENIt treats a social rejection like a tiger attack.

ENSo the inner critic is not a monster, it is a frightened bodyguard.

ENIt is trying to protect you from shame, but it is doing it by crushing your potential.

ENUnderstanding this is the first step to freedom.

ENYou don't have to hate the voice.

ENYou just have to realize that its advice is thousands of years out-of-date.

ENPart two, the critic in everyday life.

ENLet's look at some concrete examples of how this shows up in our daily lives.

ENWe see it constantly in relationships.

ENImagine you want to set a boundary with a friend or a partner.

ENYou want to say, "No, I cannot come to your party because I am tired."

ENBut the inner critic immediately jumps in.

ENIt says, "If you say no, they will stop liking you."

EN"They will think you are selfish.

ENYou have to go."

ENSo you go to the party, you feel resentful, and you drain your energy.

ENThe critic convinced you that your own needs were dangerous.

ENWe also see this in health and fitness.

ENYou miss one workout or you eat one unhealthy meal.

ENA supportive friend would say, "That is okay.

ENJust get back on track tomorrow."

ENBut the inner critic says, "You ruined everything.

ENYou have no discipline."

EN"You might as well give up completely."

ENThis is called catastrophizing.

ENIt takes one small mistake and turns it into a total disaster.

ENAnd what happens?

ENYou feel guilty, so you actually give up.

ENThe critic creates the exact failure it was warning you about.

ENIt becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

ENThink about our friends learning a new skill, like painting or coding.

ENYou look at your first attempt, and it is not perfect.

ENThe critic says, "You have no talent.

ENThis is embarrassing."

ENBut nobody is perfect on the first try.

ENThe critic demands instant perfection, which is impossible.

ENSo how do we stop this cycle?

ENWe need specific tools to disarm this bodyguard.

ENPart three, tools to silence the noise.

ENThe first tool is one of my favorites, give it a name.

ENThis sounds funny, but psychology shows it is incredibly powerful.

ENIf you hear the voice as you, you believe it.

ENBut if you give the voice a silly persona, you create distance.

ENI call my inner critic the Grumpy Uncle.

ENImagine an old man sitting in a chair, complaining about everything.

ENWhen the thoughts come, I can say, "Oh, the Grumpy Uncle is shouting again."

EN"Thanks for your opinion, Uncle, but I am going to do it anyway."

ENSome people call it the gremlin or give it a cartoon voice.

ENTry to imagine your inner critic sounding like a duck.

ENIt is very hard to be terrified of a voice that sounds like a cartoon duck.

ENThis technique is called cognitive diffusion.

ENIt unhooks you from the thought.

ENThe second tool is the best friend test.

ENThis is the ultimate reality check for negative self-talk.

ENWhen you beat yourself up, stop and ask one question.

EN"Would I say this to my best friend?"

ENIf your best friend from Lithuania called you and said, "I made a mistake at work," what would you say?

ENWould you say, "You are stupid and you should be fired"?

ENAbsolutely not.

ENYou would be kind.

ENYou would say, "Everybody makes mistakes.

ENYou are smart and you will fix it."

ENSo why are you so cruel to yourself?

ENYou need to learn to be your own best friend.

ENWhen the critic attacks, answer it with the same words you would offer a friend.

ENSay, "This is tough, but I am doing my best."

EN"I am learning, and learning is messy."

ENSelf-compassion is not weakness, it is fuel.

ENResearch shows that people who are kind to themselves achieve more than people who criticize themselves.

ENBecause when you are kind, you are not afraid to try again.

ENAnd trying again is the only way to grow.

ENConclusion, your assignment.

ENMartin, we have covered a lot of ground today.

ENWe have exposed the inner critic for what it really is, just a scared voice.

ENIt is a story, not a fact.

ENAnd you are the author of your life, so you can write a new story.

ENTo our friends from Lithuania, and to all our friends listening, we have a question for you.

ENWhat name are you going to give your inner critic?

ENIs it a Grumpy Uncle, a gremlin, a storm cloud?

ENTell us in the comments below.

ENWe really want to know.

ENBy naming it, you start to control it.

ENIn the next episode, we will tackle the critic's big brother, imposter syndrome.

ENThat is the feeling that you are a fraud, even when you are succeeding.

ENIt is a crucial topic, especially for high achievers.

ENSo make sure you are subscribed so you don't miss part two.

ENThank you for treating us like friends today.

ENWe are cheering for you.

ENSee you in the next episode.