All You Need Is a Lover

ENImagine you are sitting in a quiet professional consultation room.

ENYou've been feeling heavy for months.

ENYou can't sleep.

ENYou've lost your appetite for life and every morning feels like a mountain you have to climb.

ENYou tell the doctor about your sadness, your lack of energy, and your fear that life has become a gray, repetitive cycle.

ENYou are waiting for a medical diagnosis, perhaps a name for your pain, and definitely a prescription.

ENBut the doctor leans forward,

ENlooks you directly in the eyes, and says something that makes your heart stop for a second.

ENHe says, I have the cure.

ENWhat you really need is a lover.

ENThat is an incredible way to start a conversation.

ENI can almost feel the shock in the room.

ENIf a professional said that to me, I think my first instinct would be to look for the exit.

ENIt sounds so provocative, so unexpected, and honestly a bit scandalous for a

ENmedical environment.

ENIt really is.

ENAnd that's exactly the reaction Jorge Bucay, the famous therapist, gets when he gives this advice.

ENToday, we are going to dive deep into this idea.

ENThis isn't just a catchy phrase.

ENIt is a profound philosophy about how we choose to spend our limited time on this planet.

ENWe are going to explore why so many of us are just enduring instead of living, and we are going to do it using the best

ENtool we have, English.

ENThis is a journey for your mind and your language skills.

ENI'm so ready for this Martin, because when we hear the word lover, our brains immediately go to romance, late night phone calls, and secret meetings.

ENBut as we'll see, Bucay is talking about something much more vital.

ENHe's talking about the fire that keeps a human being from turning into a ghost while they are still alive.

ENSo, let's set the scene.

ENWho are

ENthese people coming to see him?

ENBucay describes a very specific type of patient.

ENThese are people who aren't necessarily ill in the traditional sense, but they are suffering.

ENThey have insomnia.

ENThey can't close their eyes at night because their minds are racing.

ENThey have a total lack of willpower.

ENThey feel a deep, heavy pessimism where every door looks closed.

ENSome of them are dealing with various physical pains that no x-ray can explain.

ENBut the common thread,

ENJulia, is the monotony.

ENTheir lives are a straight line with no peaks and no valleys.

ENThey work just to subsist.

ENThey work to pay for the roof over their heads and the food on the table.

ENBut they don't know what to do with their freedom.

ENThat word subsist is so powerful.

ENIt feels like you are just keeping your head above water, but you aren't actually swimming anywhere.

ENIt's the definition of survival, and I think many people

ENlistening can relate to that feeling of being a passenger in their own life.

ENYou wake up, you go to work, you come home, you watch TV, and you repeat.

ENIt's safe, but it's empty.

ENExactly, and because they feel empty, they go to doctors.

ENMany of these people have already visited several clinics before they reached Buckeye, and in those clinics they received the standard condolence of a diagnosis.

ENThe doctors told them, you have depression, and then they

ENwere given the inevitable prescription for the antidepressant of the month.

ENNow, don't get me wrong, medicine has its place, but Buckeye noticed that for many of these people, the pill was just covering up a deeper hunger.

ENSo after listening to them very carefully, he tells them, you don't need a chemical.

ENYou need a lover.

ENI love how he uses that word to disrupt their thinking.

ENHe says the expression in their eyes is priceless.

ENSome think he's

ENbeing scientific.

ENSome get angry and leave, but for those who stay, he explains the secret.

ENHe defines a lover as what passionates us.

ENIt is the thing that occupies our thoughts before we drift off to sleep.

ENIt is the obsession that makes us forget to look at the clock.

ENIt is the reason we feel distracted when we are doing boring tasks, because our heart is somewhere else.

ENThat is the shift.

ENA lover is anything that puts

ENyou in love with life.

ENIt's that connection that makes you feel like a protagonist rather than a background extra.

ENAnd the beauty of this definition, Julia, is that it is incredibly inclusive.

ENA lover doesn't have to be a person.

ENIn fact, it's often safer and more sustainable if it's an interest or a vocation.

ENBukai lists so many examples.

ENLiterature, music, cinema, photography, or even politics.

ENIt could be a sport that makes you push your limits or

ENa job that you actually feel called to do.

ENIt's about finding that thing that makes you feel alive.

ENI was thinking about our listeners.

ENFor many of them, this podcast and the English language itself is a type of lover.

ENThink about it.

ENIt's something they think about before bed.

ENIt's a challenge that keeps them engaged.

ENIt's a way to transcend their current reality and connect with the whole world.

ENWhen you are passionate about learning, you aren't

ENjust memorizing words.

ENYou are courting a new way of being.

ENI love that metaphor.

ENCourting a language.

ENIt fits perfectly.

ENAnd Bukai goes even further.

ENHe says this passion can be found in the need for spiritual growth, in deep friendships, in the joy of a good meal, or even in the obsessive pleasure of a simple hobby.

ENIt is anything that stops you from the sad destiny of enduring.

ENAnd this is where the conversation gets a bit

ENtough because we have to define what enduring really means.

ENJulia, how would you describe the difference between living and just enduring?

ENTo me, enduring sounds like waiting for the end.

ENBukai says that to endure is to be afraid to live.

ENIt's a life defined by no.

ENNo, I won't go out because it might rain.

ENNo, I won't try that because I might fail.

ENIt's when you spend your time spying on how other people live through a

ENscreen instead of stepping outside.

ENIt's being obsessed with your blood pressure, taking multi-colored pills for every tiny discomfort, and observing every new wrinkle on your face with disappointment.

ENIt is a life lived in a defensive crouch, trying to protect yourself from the world instead of embracing it.

ENThat's a vivid image.

ENLiving in a defensive crouch.

ENWhen we are in that state, we are constantly postponing.

ENWe say, I'll be happy when I have more money, or I'll

ENstart that project when the kids are older, or I'll travel when the world is more stable.

ENWe use this fragile, uncertain reasoning to justify why we aren't enjoying today.

ENBut the truth is there is no perfect time.

ENThere is only now.

ENBukai is very direct about this.

ENHe says, please do not struggle just to last.

ENSeek a lover.

ENBecome a lover yourself.

ENBe the main character of your own story.

ENIt reminds me of that famous quote.

ENThe tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

ENBukai says that death never forgets anyone.

ENIt's the one appointment we will all keep.

ENSo why are we so afraid of living?

ENThe real tragedy isn't dying.

ENIt is reaching the end and realizing you never actually showed up.

ENYou were too busy being careful, too busy taking your temperature, and too busy worrying about the humidity to actually

ENbreathe.

ENThat's exactly why his advice is so urgent.

ENHe's trying to wake people up before it's too late.

ENHe says that to be happy, active, and content, you have to be in a relationship with life.

ENYou have to have that spark.

ENAnd I want to talk about how we find that spark, especially when we feel stuck in that intermediate plateau, not just in English, but in our personal growth.

ENSometimes we feel like we've learned enough to

ENsurvive, but not enough to fly.

ENWe get comfortable in our routine, and we stop looking for the lover.

ENThat's a great point, Martin.

ENWe often talk about the intermediate plateau in language learning, where you can communicate, but you don't feel that rush of excitement anymore.

ENThe same thing happens in life.

ENWe reach a level of fine.

ENMy job is fine.

ENMy house is fine.

ENMy health is fine.

ENBut fine is just another word for enduring.

ENTo

ENbreak through that plateau, you have to find a new passion.

ENYou have to find a reason to push yourself again.

ENYou have to fall in love with the process, not just the result.

ENAnd that process requires us to be brave.

ENFinding a lover in the sense of a passion is risky.

ENIf you love photography, you might take bad pictures.

ENIf you love a new language, you will definitely make mistakes and sound silly.

ENIf you love a

ENvocation, you might fail.

ENEnduring is safe because you never try.

ENBut living is dangerous because it requires you to be vulnerable.

ENBukai is telling us that the danger is worth it.

ENThe alternative is a slow, grey fade into nothingness.

ENI think we should talk about the vocabulary he uses to describe this lover.

ENHe says it's what makes us distracted frente al entorno, distracted from our surroundings.

ENIn English, we often talk about being in the zone or

ENin a flow state.

ENIt's that magical moment where time disappears because you are so focused on what you are doing.

ENWhether you are gardening, writing code, or practicing your English pronunciation, that flow state is the sign that you've found your lover.

ENThat's a perfect connection.

ENAnd when you are in that state, those symptoms of depression that Bukai mentioned, the lack of willpower, the pessimism, they start to lift.

ENNot because you took a pill, but because you

ENgave your brain a reason to produce its own chemicals.

ENYou gave yourself a motivation.

ENYou gave your life a sense of meaning.

ENIt's amazing how much medicine we can find in a simple hobby if we treat it with the respect and passion it deserves.

ENIt's a very empowering message.

ENIt moves the responsibility away from the pharmacy and back to the individual.

ENIt says you have the power to change how you feel by what you love.

ENBut

ENit also requires a bit of soul-searching.

ENYou have to ask yourself, what actually makes me lose track of time?

ENWhat would I do if I wasn't afraid of looking foolish?

ENFor some people, that question is terrifying because they've been enduring for so long that they've forgotten what they enjoy.

ENIf you feel like you've forgotten your passions, don't panic.

ENPassion isn't something you find under a rock.

ENIt's something you build through curiosity.

ENYou start by trying things.

ENYou start by being a novice again.

ENAnd that brings us back to our journey here in the toolbox.

ENEvery time you listen to an episode, every time you try to use a new expression in a conversation, you are practicing the art of being a lover.

ENYou are being active.

ENYou are being a protagonist.

ENI love that.

ENAnd remember, as Bukai says, the goal isn't to live forever.

ENThe goal is to live now.

ENDon't spend your life

ENspying on how others live on social media.

ENDon't spend your life waiting for the perfect conditions.

ENWhether it's raining, cold, or humid, those are just details.

ENThe only thing that matters is that you are engaged with the world.

ENYou are in love with life.

ENAs we wrap up this deep dive, I want you to think about one thing you can do this week to stop enduring and start living.

ENMaybe it's a book you've been meaning to

ENread, a person you've been meaning to call, or a project you've been postponing.

ENWhatever it is, treat it like a lover.

ENGive it your attention.

ENGive it your thoughts before you go to sleep.

ENAnd see how that changes the way you feel when you wake up in the morning.

ENIt's been such a pleasure exploring this with you, Martin.

ENThis text by Jorge Bukai is a classic for a reason.

ENIt's a wake-up call for the soul, and

ENI hope our listeners feel that spark of excitement today.

ENEnglish is more than just a language.

ENIt's your invitation to join this global conversation about what it means to be truly human.

ENWell said, Julia.

ENRemember, learners, don't just last, don't just exist. Find your lover, be a protagonist, and most importantly, stay in love with the journey.

ENWe'll be here to walk with you every step of the way.

ENThank you for sharing your time and your energy

ENwith us today.

ENWe'll see you in the next episode.

ENGoodbye for now.