Listening transcript · Episode 37

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B1–B2Everyday EnglishAbout 16 min + dynamic ads5 PDF versions available

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Welcome to Your English Toolbox, your slow English podcast where we train your ears step by step.

I am Martin and I am Julia.

Today we are starting a special two-episode series called Daily Habits to Nurture Relationships at Christmas and Every Day of the Year.

Because relationships are living things.

They need care, affection, and attention, the same way your body needs sleep and food.

A relationship is not a trophy you win once and then keep forever.

is more like a garden.

What you water grows, and the same is true emotionally.

If you feed a relationship with attention, it becomes stronger.

If you feed it with silence, it becomes fragile.

This is why so many people feel lonely even while living with others.

They share a house, but not connection.

And this is why we should never take anyone for love, friendship, and trust are built through small daily choices.

In this first episode, we will

explore the first five habits.

They come from decades of research in relationship science and psychology.

They are proven habits that strengthen connection and increase daily happiness.

They are also linked to psychological well-being.

Better relationships mean less rumination.

Less rumination means more peace in your mind.

So this is not only about being nice.

It is about building a better life.

When your relationships are healthier, your whole life gets better.

Your stress level goes down.

Your mind feels

safer, and you handle hard days with more calm and resilience.

Julia, what are we going to do today?

We are going to make these habits practical.

We will explain the idea, give examples, and show how to use it in real conversations.

And we will keep it friendly, because nobody wants a lecture when they are trying to feel close to someone.

If you keep listening until the end, you will learn how to create emotional safety in tiny

moments.

You will learn how to build a reserve of trust that helps you during stressful days.

And you will leave with a mini plan to practice these habits, even if your life is busy.

Part One Turning Toward Emotional Bids Let us begin with the habit that researchers mention again and again.

It is called turning toward emotional bids.

An emotional bid is any attempt to connect.

It can be obvious, like can I have a hug?

Or it

can be subtle, like listen to this song or look at that cloud.

Bids are small questions hidden inside ordinary words.

Are you with me?

Do I matter to you right now?

Imagine your partner says, This traffic is crazy today.

You could ignore it and keep scrolling on your phone.

Or you can turn toward it and say, Yeah, it is exhausting, but we are almost there.

That response is not about traffic.

It is about saying, I am

not leaving you alone inside your feelings.

And that is the core of secure attachment.

Secure people are not perfect.

They simply feel held by the relationship.

It is about teamwork.

When bids are answered, the brain learns that connection is reliable.

This reduces anxiety and defensiveness.

And it makes conflict less scary because people feel less alone.

Turning toward does not require a long conversation.

It can be a five-second moment eye contact, a soft yes.

Or a tiny

follow-up question, like what happened?

Imagine someone says, I feel tired today.

Turning toward can be as simple as, I hear you.

Do you want a quiet evening?

Over time, those sentences build emotional capital.

Emotional capital is a savings account of trust.

When life gets hard, you spend from that account.

Holidays create many micro moments.

A nervous joke.

A complaint about cooking.

A comment like, I miss someone today.

Each one is a bid.

So here is your

micro action for today.

Notice one bid, respond kindly.

Part two, daily appreciation and gratitude.

The second habit is daily appreciation, daily specific appreciation.

This matters because the brain has a negativity bias.

We notice problems faster than we notice care.

When you express gratitude, you tell the other person, I see your effort being seen as a deep human need.

And when people feel valued, they become more open and more generous.

Resentment often grows in silence.

When we

do not name effort, we start to assume it is normal.

And then we stop feeling lucky.

So do not say, thanks for everything.

Say something specific and try to link it to character, not only tasks.

I love how you stay calm with people.

I admire your courage when you say the truth.

I feel lucky when I see your loyalty.

When appreciation describes character, it becomes deeper.

It tells the other person, I do not only need you,

I respect you.

Thank you for doing the dishes when I was tired.

I appreciated your patience yesterday.

It meant a lot that you remembered.

Here is a simple ritual.

Every evening share one small win and one small thank you.

One minute, big impact.

Part three, active listening and validation.

The third habit is active listening and validation.

Active listening means you listen to understand, not to reply.

You are not preparing your argument while the other person is

still speaking.

You are not solving the problem too fast.

The goal is not fixing, the goal is connection.

Think of it like this.

If someone is carrying a heavy bag, you do not say, here is a better bag.

You first say, that looks heavy, let me stand with you.

Emotional listening works the same way.

Validation is the key skill.

You recognize the feeling, you name it gently, and you help the person feel understood.

You can say,

that sounds stressful.

You can say, I can see why that hurt.

You can say, I am with you.

This calms the nervous system.

It reduces emotional flooding.

And it makes people less likely to explode later.

Julia, many people think listening means staying silent.

That is why small cues help.

You can nod, you can say, you can reflect one sentence to confirm understanding.

For example, you can say, so you felt overwhelmed when the meeting went long, right?

Most fights are not about the topic.

They are about feeling ignored or disrespected.

Active listening repairs that at the root.

If you want to practice these skills with extra support, you can check the Patreon link in the episode description.

On Patreon, you will find full transcriptions, study guides, vocabulary lists, and workbooks for deeper practice.

You will also find summary infographic images, vocabulary cheat sheets, and additional learning materials coming in the future.

These resources help you review

the language slowly and apply the habits step by step.

If you live in a country without access to Patreon and you are interested in getting a Telegram access, just write in the comments, yes.

Or more explicitly, yes, I want a personal Telegram access.

We are building that for you, but we need to know that there is really enough people demanding this personal access.

The fourth habit is a daily moment of physical connection.

We are talking about

non-sexual affection.

A hug, holding hands, a kiss hello and a kiss goodbye.

Affection releases oxytocin, a bonding hormone that helps people feel calm and close.

And there is another benefit that many people forget.

Touch is a language.

It can say, I forgive you.

It can say, we are okay.

It lowers stress.

It supports emotional regulation.

During stressful seasons, many couples stop touching.

They become roommates with tasks.

This is common, but it slowly cools intimacy.

So make

it tiny and consistent.

Two seconds of a hug before work.

A hand on the shoulder in the kitchen.

Three gentle squeezes to say, I love you without words.

The fifth habit is maintaining a small shared ritual.

A ritual is a repeated moment that says, we choose each other and rituals are small promises kept.

They tell the brain, this relationship is stable.

Stability reduces fear.

And when fear goes down, love becomes easier.

Morning coffee together.

A short

walk after dinner.

A two minute check in before sleep.

Rituals create predictability.

Predictability creates security.

And security makes people kinder and more forgiving.

During holidays, routines disappear.

That is why a micro ritual is helpful.

Even while traveling, you can protect one small moment together.

A short walk.

A quiet check in.

Now let us name the big psychological benefits.

Healthy relationships are one of the strongest predictors of a happy life.

When you feel supported, your mind handles

stress better.

You recover faster after a bad day.

You feel more motivated because you are not carrying life alone.

These habits help you build that support system.

They help you feel less anxious and more grounded.

Here is a simple mini plan for the next 24 hours.

Choose one habit from today.

Do it once on purpose.

Turn toward one bid.

Or say one specific thank you.

Or listen for two minutes without interrupting.

Small practice creates confidence.

Confidence

creates consistency.

Closing reflection.

Let us recap the first five habits.

Turn toward emotional bids.

Practice daily appreciation.

Listen actively and validate feelings.

Share a small moment of physical connection.

And protect a small shared ritual.

None of these are expensive or complicated.

But they all send the same message.

I am here.

You matter.

We are a team.

In the next episode, we will continue with Habits 6-10.

We will talk about laughter, micro repairs, curiosity, self-care, and digital

connection.

If you enjoyed this episode, please write a small comment before you go.

Your comments show the platforms that our community is real, active, and growing.

This support is crucial for us to continue creating new episodes every week.

Tell us which habit you want to try today and what relationship you want to strengthen this week.

Thank you for listening.

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