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Complete English transcript
Welcome to the Slow Listening podcast
series, the show where we train your ears
step by step.
Today, we're diving into something that
affects all of us; how the way we talk to
ourselves shapes our confidence and
learning.
Julia, listen to this question carefully.
Have you ever thought you made a really
dumb mistake?
I have.
Sometimes that voice inside can be
so quick to judge, and it's not always
kind.
And that self-talk can either push us
forward or hold us back.
So here's a challenge for everyone
listening; pay close attention to your
thoughts.
Are they helping you grow, or
getting in your way?
If you've ever felt stuck or frustrated,
this episode is for you.
Let's learn to
change that voice together, starting
today.
And here's the surprising truth; you've
been talking to yourself your whole life,
whether you realize it or not.
We were inspired by the book How to Talk
to Yourself by Roe Mitchell, and we'll use
its ideas as the foundation for today's
discussion.
And here's why you'll want to stay with us
today; the book How to Talk to Yourself
by Roe Mitchell is full of strategies to
transform that inner voice.
Reading the
whole book might take you six to eight
hours, but in this episode, just 30
minutes, we'll bring you the best lessons.
Think about that.
Half an hour now saves
you hours of reading later and gives you
the tools to change a lifelong habit.
So let's dive in together.
Today, you're
not just listening; you're rewriting the
script of your own mind.
So let's start with a simple question.
Julia, how often do you actually pay
attention to the voice in your head?
That's a great way to begin.
Honestly, I used to almost never notice
it.
My inner voice was like background
noise; it was there all the time, but I
didn't realize how much it influenced me
until I started paying attention.
And
here's the thing;
most of the time, it wasn't kind.
It was
critical,
impatient,
and sometimes
even cruel.
Let me ask you, Martin, when you catch
yourself thinking, are those thoughts
usually supportive or judgmental?
If I'm being real, for years
they were judgmental.
If I made a mistake, I would call myself
stupid or lazy or careless, and I thought
that being hard on myself would push me to
improve.
But what actually happened, I
just felt smaller, more anxious, less
motivated, and I think many of our
listeners can relate.
Quick question for
you, audience; if you had to describe your
self-talk right now in one word, what
would it be?
Encouraging, harsh, neutral?
Take a second to think about it.
Yes.
That's such an important reflection
because once you become aware of the
quality of your self-talk, you realize
it's like a constant companion.
Imagine
walking around all day with someone
whispering in your ear; if that person is
supportive, you feel stronger; if that
person is critical, life feels heavier.
And here's something fascinating; the
voice we develop usually starts early in
life.
Childhood experiences, school,
social comparisons, even social media; all
of these shape how we speak to
ourselves.
Exactly.
I remember a time in school when
I froze during a presentation.
My
classmates laughed, and from that day on,
my inner voice kept repeating, "You're
terrible at public speaking.
Don't even
try." And the crazy part?
That voice
stayed with me for years long after the
event itself.
Julia, do you have a moment
when your self-talk began to turn
negative?
Yes, definitely.
For me, it was around
body image.
I compared myself to other
girls in magazines and on TV, and I told
myself, "You're not good enough." That
became a loop in my head, and every time I
looked in the mirror, the voice repeated
it.
It's heartbreaking how quickly those
words become beliefs, and this brings us
to a crucial point.
The brain actually
treats repeated thoughts like facts.
So if
you tell yourself every day that you're a
failure, your brain starts to believe it.
That's huge, and it also explains why
self-talk can affect not just our emotions
but even our physiology.
Think about it;
when you say, "I can't handle this,"
your body reacts with stress.
Your heart
races, your breathing gets shallow.
On the
other hand, if you say, "This is tough,
but I'll take it one step at a time," your
body relaxes a little.
Audience, have you
ever noticed how a single thought can
change how your body feels?
That's the
power of language.
And the language we use with ourselves
matters even more than what others say to
us
because we hear it constantly.And
unfortunately, many of us use words we
would never say to a friend.
We call
ourselves stupid, worthless, ugly,
lazy.
So here's a question for you,
Martin.
Why do you think it's easier to be
compassionate to others than to
ourselves?
I think it's because we're taught to value
kindness toward others, but not toward
ourselves.
Society often praises
self-criticism as discipline.
If you push yourself harder, people say
you're strong.
But actually, relentless
self-criticism just breaks you down, and
that's why the shift to compassionate
self-talk is revolutionary.
It's not
indulgence; it's survival.
It's
growth.
Yes, and that shift starts with awareness.
Here's a simple exercise.
For one day,
write down the sentences you hear in your
head.
Don't judge them; just collect them
like a scientist.
At the end of the day,
look at your list. Are the sentences
supportive or destructive?
That awareness
alone can be shocking.
I love that.
And once you see the
patterns, the next step is to challenge
them.
Let me give an example.
Suppose you
write down, "I always fail." Now,
is that true?
Always?
Or have you had
successes too?
When you ask these questions, you weaken
the power of the negative statement.
Julia, do you have a favorite technique
for challenging negative self-talk?
Yes.
I like reframing.
For example, instead of
saying, "I'm terrible at this," I try to
say, "I'm learning.
I haven't mastered it
yet, but I'm improving." The word yet is
so powerful.
It opens the door to growth.
Audience, you can try this right
now.
Take a negative sentence you often
tell yourself and add the word yet.
Notice how it changes the feeling.
That's brilliant.
And there's another tool
I like, the friend test. Ask yourself,
"Would I say this to a friend in the same
situation?" If the answer is no, then why
say it to yourself?
And here's a little
secret.
Your brain doesn't know the
difference between real and imagined
experiences.
So when you practice kinder
self-talk, your brain begins to believe it
just as it once believed the negative
loops.
Exactly.
And this is where repetition
comes in.
Just like negative thoughts become beliefs
through repetition, positive thoughts can
too.
But it takes practice.
You can't
say, "I'm worthy," once and expect your
brain to change overnight.
It's about
building a habit of kindness.
One
practical way is affirmations.
But, and I
want to emphasize this, not empty,
unrealistic affirmations.
Saying, "I'm the
most successful person in the world,"
when you don't believe it will feel fake.
Instead, use gentle, believable
affirmations like, "I'm learning to trust
myself."
That's key.
Start with something you can believe and
pair it with action.
For example, if you say, "I'm capable of
growth," then actually try something new,
even if it's small.
The action reinforces
the thought.
Julia, can you share a personal example of
how affirmations or reframing worked for
you?
Sure.
A few years ago, I was terrified of
speaking up in meetings.
My inner voice
said, "You'll sound stupid." So I started
using a new phrase, "I have ideas worth
sharing." At first, it felt
uncomfortable, but each time I spoke, even
a little, I reinforced that
belief.
Over time, the fear shrank.
And that's the magic.
Words plus
repetition plus action equal to
transformation.
Love that formula.
And I think we should
also talk about mindfulness
because sometimes self-talk spirals so
fast we don't even notice it.
Mindfulness, pausing, breathing, grounding
creates a space where we can catch the
thought before it controls us.
Audience, next time you feel anxious, try
this.
Stop, take three slow
breaths, and ask, "What did I just tell
myself?" You'll be surprised by what you
hear.
Yes.
And mindfulness also helps us develop
compassion
because when we slow down, we realize that
everyone struggles.
You're not the only
one with a critical inner voice.
That
shared humanity makes it easier to be kind
to yourself.
And kindness is not
weakness; it's strength.
It
takes courage to change the way you speak
to yourself after years of criticism.
Beautifully said.
And that courage brings
us to another idea,
setbacks.
Even when you start practicing
positive self-talk, you'll have days when
the old voice comes back.
That's normal.
The point isn't perfection; it's
persistence.
Julia, what do you say to
yourself when you catch the old critical
voice returning?
I say, "Ah, there you are." I treat it
like an old habit knocking on my door.
I
don't have to invite it in.
I just notice it and return to my new
habit, and that's important, noticing
without judgment.
If you judge yourself
for having negative thoughts, you just
create another layer of negativity.
That's so powerful.
Audience, th- think
about this.
Can you notice your critical
thoughts without fighting them?
Can you
let them pass like clouds in the sky?
That's a practice worth
trying.
And to close this part of our
conversation, I want to highlight one big
takeaway.
Your self-talk is not just
noise.
It's shaping your beliefs, your
emotions, even your body.
But the good
news is you can train it.
You can
transform it from an enemy into an
ally.
Martin, before we move forward, I
want to ask you something.
When you
started to change your self-talk, did it
feel natural, or was it
awkward, almost like pretending?
Oh, it felt so fake at first.
I remember standing in front of the mirror
saying things like, "You're doing your
best.
You're learning," and my brain was
like, "No, you're not.
You're lying." It
was uncomfortable, but here's what I
discovered.
At the beginning, it's not
about believing the words instantly.
It's
about planting seeds.
Over time, if you
keep watering them, they grow into real
beliefs.
Exactly.
I think that's one of the biggest
challenges.
People expect instant
results.
They say, "I tried positive
self-talk once, and it didn't work." But
the truth is you need repetition.
It's
just like learning a language.
You can't
study English for one day and expect
fluency.
You need daily practice.
Audience, think about how long you've been
practicing negative self-talk, probably
years, maybe decades.
So it makes sense
that changing it takes time.
That's such a good analogy.
And speaking
of practice, let's share some specific
strategies that really work.
One that I
love is journaling.
Every night, I write
down three things, a negative thought I
caught myself saying, how I can reframe
it, something I'm grateful for.
This way,
I don't just notice the negativity.
I
actively rewrite it.
That's brilliant, and I do something
similar.
In the morning, I write what I
call compassionate intentions.
For
example, today, I'll speak kindly to
myself when I make mistakes.
It's like
setting a gentle rule for the day.
Martin,
do you ever combine self-talk with
physical grounding, like breathing or
movement?
Yes.
In fact, one of my favorite practices
is pairing affirmations with deep
breathing.
I inhale and think, "I'm strong
enough to face this," and I exhale and
release tension.
When the body and the
words align, the message feels more real.
Audience, you can try this right
now with us.
Take a deep breath in and
silently say, "I'm safe."
Now breathe out and imagine letting go of
stress.
Doesn't that feel different?
I love that, and it's so accessible.
You
can do it at your desk, on the
bus, anywhere.
Another tool I want to
share is visualization.
When
I catch myself being harsh, I imagine a
supportive friend sitting next to me.
I
picture what they would say.
Usually, it's
much kinder than my own words.
Then I
borrow their voice.
That's powerful, and it connects to
something else, creating a supportive
inner coach.
Imagine the best teacher you've ever had,
the one who encouraged you, corrected you
gently, believed in you.
What if you let that voice live inside
your head permanently?
And here's a question for our listeners.
Who would you choose as your inner coach?
Maybe a teacher, a mentor, a parent, or
even a fictional character.
Picture their words guiding you.
That's such a fun exercise.
I once had a
student who chose Yoda from Star Wars as
her inner coach.
She said whenever she
felt nervous, she imagined Yoda
whispering, "Calm you must be." It worked
for her because it made her smile and
relax.
So don't be afraid to be
playful.
Self-talk doesn't have to be
heavy.
It can be creative.
I love that example.
And here's another angle, environment.
Who
we spend time with influences our inner
dialogue.
If you're surrounded by people
who constantly criticize, your self-talk
will echo that.
But if you're with people
who lift you up, you absorb their
language.
Julia, have you ever noticed how
friendships shape your inner
voice?
Absolutely.
I used to have a group of
friends who were very sarcastic.
They
teased each other all the time.
At first,
I thought it was harmless.But I realized
their words echoed in my head as
self-criticism.
When I moved into a more
supportive circle, my self-talk softened
too.
So audience, take a look at your
relationships.
Are they feeding your
critical voice or your compassionate one?
That's so important, and I think we should
address a common fear here.
People worry that if they're kind to
themselves, they'll become lazy.
They
think, "If I stop criticizing myself, I'll
never improve." Julia, what do you
say to that?
I say the opposite is true.
Imagine a
coach who constantly screams at their
athletes, "You're useless.
You'll never
win." Do you think those athletes will
perform well?
Probably not.
They'll feel
crushed.
Now imagine a coach who says,
"You've got this.
Mistakes are part of
learning.
Keep going." That athlete is
much more likely to thrive.
Self-talk
works the same way.
Compassion fuels
growth.
Yes, and this is supported by psychology
too.
Studies show that
self-compassion leads to greater
resilience, persistence, and even better
performance.
Criticism might give you a
short burst of energy, but compassion
sustains you for the long run.
Audience, think about it.
When was the
last time harsh words actually made you
improve, and when was the last time
encouragement helped you try again?
That's a perfect reflection.
And speaking
of trying again, we should talk about
setbacks
because no matter how much you practice
positive self-talk, you'll have days when
the critical voice shouts louder.
What
matters is how you respond.
Instead of
saying, "I failed at being positive," you
can say, "This is part of the process.
It's about progress, not perfection."
I completely agree.
One technique I use is giving my inner
critic a nickname.
Mine is the Judge.
When it speaks up, I
say,
"Thanks, Judge, but I'm not interested
right now." It helps me separate the
thought from my identity.
Julia, do you
use something similar?
Yes,
I call mine the Parrot
because it just repeats old lines it
learned years ago.
When I hear it, I
imagine a little bird on my shoulder
squawking nonsense.
That image makes it
less threatening
and sometimes even funny.
Audience, maybe you can try naming your
inner critic too.
Give it a silly name and
see how much easier it becomes to ignore.
That's such a good idea, and humor is
underrated in self-growth.
Laughing at the
inner critic takes away its power.
Now, before we wrap up this part, I want
to highlight another strategy:
gratitude.
Writing down three things
you're grateful for each day shifts your
focus.
It trains your brain to look for
the positive instead of the negative.
Over
time, gratitude becomes the default voice
in your head.
Yes, gratitude is like rewiring your
brain, and it doesn't have to be big
things.
It can be as simple as, "I'm
grateful for my morning coffee," or, "I'm
grateful for the smile of a stranger."
Audience,
what's one small thing you feel grateful
for right now?
Say it out loud or write it down.
Notice
how it changes your mood
instantly.
Beautiful.
So to summarize this part of
our conversation, self-talk feels awkward
at first, but practice makes it natural.
Journaling, reframing, breathing,
visualization, and gratitude are powerful
tools.
Your environment shapes your inner
voice.
Compassion is not laziness;
it's the fuel for resilience.
Setbacks are normal, and humor can be your
secret weapon.
Julia, I think these are the building
blocks of a healthier relationship with
ourselves.
I agree.
And in the next part, let's go
even deeper.
Let's talk about how
compassionate self-talk influences
relationships, work, and long-term
identity
because the way we speak to ourselves
doesn't just stay inside; it changes how
we show up in the world.
Yes, I'm excited for that.
So stay with
us, listeners, because we're about to
explore how transforming your inner voice
can transform your entire life.
Julia, you
mentioned something at the end of our
last part that really struck me.
The way
we talk to ourselves doesn't stay inside;
it spills into how we interact with the
world.
Can we dig deeper into that?
Of course.
Think about this.
If your
self-talk is harsh, you probably approach
relationships with insecurity.
You might
over-apologize, avoid conflict, or doubt
your worth.
But if your self-talk is
compassionate, you show up with
confidence, patience, and openness.
In
other words, the dialogue you have with
yourself becomes the tone of your dialogue
with everyone else.
Yes, I've noticed that too.
When I was
deeply self-critical, I was defensive with
others.If someone gave me feedback, I
heard it as an attack
because my own inner critic was already
attacking me.
Once I softened my
self-talk,
feedback became easier to accept.
Audience, have you ever noticed that how
you treat yourself sets the stage for how
you treat others?
And it's not just relationships; it's work
too.
Imagine going into a job
interview.
If your self-talk says, "You're
going to mess this up," your body will
tense, and your answers will sound
uncertain.
But if your self-talk says,
"You're prepared; you've got value to
share," you walk in taller, calmer, more
persuasive.
That's the invisible power of
inner language.
Exactly.
And this is where we can talk about
identity.
Because over time, self-talk
doesn't just describe us, it defines us.
If you keep saying, "I'm shy," or, "I'm
unlucky," those words become part of your
identity.
But if you change the script to, "I'm
learning to be more confident,"
or, "I'm creating opportunities," your
identity shifts too.
Julia, do
you remember a moment when changing your
inner language changed your identity?
Yes, I do.
For years, I told myself, "I'm bad with
technology." It was a fixed identity.
Then
I decided to reframe it.
"I'm learning
new tools step by step." That simple shift
opened doors.
I started experimenting,
asking for help, even teaching
others.
I went from bad with technology to
curious about technology.
So the words we choose don't just reflect
who we are, they sculpt who we become.
That's powerful, and it makes me wonder,
what hidden identities are our listeners
carrying right now because of their
self-talk?
Maybe someone keeps saying, "I'm always
anxious," or, "I'm not creative." What
if those aren't facts but just habits of
language?
Audience, here's a
challenge.
Pick one limiting phrase you
say about yourself and reframe it into a
growth phrase.
Write it down.
Repeat it
daily.
Watch how your sense of self
evolves.
That's a fantastic exercise, and I'd add
another.
Speak your reframed identity out
loud.
There's something about hearing your
own voice that makes it more real.
It's
like giving yourself permission to change.
Yes.
Because the inner voice and the outer
voice are connected.
The more you speak
kindly to yourself, the more authentic
your words to others become.
And I think we should address something
really human here, setbacks in
relationships with ourselves.
Sometimes we
make progress then fall back into old
patterns.
Julia, what's your advice when
that happens?
First, I remind myself that healing is not
linear.
Imagine a graph.
It's not a
straight line up; it's a zigzag.
Some days
are better, some worse, but the overall
direction matters.
Second, I practice
self-forgiveness.
Instead of saying, "I
ruined everything," I say, "Today was
tough, but tomorrow is another chance."
Forgiveness resets the cycle.
That's so important.
Because if we punish
ourselves for negative self-talk, we just
create more negativity.
Forgiveness is like a reset button.
Audience, have you ever forgiven yourself
out loud?
Try it.
Say, "I forgive myself
for being hard on me today." Notice how it
feels in your body.
Yes.
And forgiveness connects to
compassion.
Compassion means understanding
that you're human, imperfect, and still
worthy of kindness.
It's not about
excusing mistakes; it's about recognizing
that mistakes don't define your value.
Exactly.
And here's where things get
exciting.
When you consistently practice
compassionate self-talk, you start to
experience resilience.
Life will still
bring challenges, anxiety, stress,
failure, but your response changes.
Instead of collapsing, you bounce back.
That's the gift of training your inner
voice.
And it's not only about resilience, it's
also about joy.
Negative self-talk narrows
your focus to flaws and problems.
Positive self-talk opens your eyes to
beauty, gratitude, and possibility.
You
literally experience more joy because you
give yourself permission to see it.
That's beautiful, and it reminds me of
nature.
No matter what happens in our
personal lives, the sun still rises, the
waves still move, the world continues.
Self-talk is like tuning into that
rhythm, remembering that setbacks are
temporary but life keeps flowing.
Audience, next time you feel overwhelmed,
step outside and notice something
constant, the sky, the trees, the air.
Let
it remind you that your inner storms
will pass.
I love that image.
And let's bring this
down to very practical advice for our
listeners.
Martin, if someone wants to
start transforming their self-talk today,
what's the first step you'd recommend?
Step one, awareness.
Spend one day noticing the sentences in
your head.
Write them down.
Awareness is
the foundation.
Without it, you can't
change anything.
Step two,
challenge.
Ask, "Is this thought true?"
Always, "Can
I see it differently?" Step three,
replace.
Reframe the negative into
something constructive and compassionate.
And step four, repeat.
Do it
again and again until it becomes a habit.
That's a perfect roadmap.
And I'd add step
five, celebrate.
Celebrate small wins.
If
you caught one negative thought and
replaced it today, that's progress.
Clap
for yourself, smile, acknowledge the
effort.
Audience, please don't
underestimate small victories.
They add up
to big transformations.
Absolutely.
And since this is your English
toolbox, let me connect it to language
learning for a second.
Many learners say
to themselves, "I'll never be fluent," or,
"My accent is terrible." That's negative
self-talk, and it blocks progress.
But if
they change the script to, "I'm improving
every day," or, "My accent shows I'm
bilingual, and that's powerful," they
learn faster.
The inner voice shapes the learning
journey.
Yes.
I've seen students blossom when they
stop attacking themselves for mistakes.
Mistakes are not proof of failure; they're
proof of growth.
So listeners, if you're
learning English or any skill, remember,
the words you use inside will determine
how far you go outside.
Exactly.
And before we wrap up, I wanna
leave our audience with one final thought.
Your self-talk is a lifelong companion.
You can't escape it, but you can choose
whether it's a critic or a coach, an enemy
or a friend.
And my final message is this, be patient.
Transforming self-talk is like building a
new friendship with yourself.
It takes
time, but it's worth it.
Imagine living
every day with a supportive best friend in
your mind.
That's what's possible.
So to recap everything we've covered
across this conversation,
self-talk shapes emotions, body, identity,
and relationships.
Negative voices often come from early
experiences, but can be transformed.
Tools
like journaling, reframing, affirmations,
breathing, visualization, gratitude,
humor, and self-forgiveness really work.
Compassion isn't
indulgence; it's resilience.
And your inner words don't just stay
inside.
They change how you live, love,
and grow.
So, before we close, let's talk about
something really important.
Changing your
self-talk isn't just about you.
It's about
us, this community we're building
together.
Because when you share the words
you're choosing,
someone else reads them, and suddenly they
feel less alone.
Think about the
micro-tasks we practiced today.
We asked
you to add the word yet to a negative
thought.
Which one did you choose?
We suggested you
give your inner critic a nickname.
Did
you call it the judge, the parrot,
something funnier?
We encouraged you to write down one gentle
affirmation you actually believe.
What's
yours?
These aren't just private exercises.
If
you share them in the comments, you're
planting ideas for other learners.
You
become part of their journey.
And here's why this matters.
Our channel
is not about passive listening.
It's about
slow listening, plus active living.
If
you only listen, the lesson stays in your
ears.
If you comment, the lesson travels
into your hands, your voice, your
identity.
So I want to challenge you.
Be brave
today.
Comment one of three
things.
The negative sentence you transformed with
yet.
The nickname you gave your inner critic.
Or the affirmation you'll start repeating
to yourself this week.
Choose one.
Post it below, because your
comment isn't just for us.
It's for every
person who reads it and thinks, "Yes, me
too.
I can try that."
Imagine what happens when dozens of people
start sharing.
Suddenly, you don't feel
like a single listener.
You feel like part
of a circle, a movement, a team
practicing together.
So let's make this the moment where our
comment section becomes alive.
Let's make
it a safe place to share inner voices,
struggles, and victories.
Remember, listen slowly, learn deeply, and
speak confidently.
See
you in the next episode.
