Why Your Words Are Casting Spells

ENHave you ever repeated something someone said about a friend and felt that little sting of guilt

ENright after?

ENOr had someone snap at you for no reason and carried that sentence with you for

ENthe rest of the day?

ENToday we are opening one of the quietest most powerful books ever written

ENabout how we speak and how we listen.

ENWelcome to Your English Toolbox,

ENwhere we train your ears step by step.

ENI am Martin.

ENAnd I am Julia.

ENFriends,

ENwe are so happy you are here today.

ENBefore we begin, remember this episode has a home online.

ENYourEnglishToolbox.com.

ENThe interactive transcript of this episode, translations in Farsi,

ENSpanish, German, and French, vocabulary cards, flashcards, games, and downloadable PDFs,

ENall completely free.

ENToday's episode comes from a real book, one that has sold more than

EN10 million copies worldwide.

ENIt is called The Four Agreements, written by the Mexican author

ENand healer Don Miguel Ruiz.

ENIt is a short book, but every page hits like a small earthquake.

ENAnd today we are opening just two of its four agreements, the ones about your words and

ENabout your peace of mind.

ENIf you stay with us until the end, you will walk away with

ENthree things.

ENOne, why your own words are more powerful than you think, for better or for worse.

ENTwo, like a simple mental shift that makes other people's opinions of you almost powerless.

ENThree, six brand new English expressions, so you can talk about all of this with confidence.

ENLet's begin.

ENRuiz makes a bold claim early in this book.

ENHe says your word is not just

ENcommunication.

ENIt is creation.

ENThink about it this way, friends.

ENEvery time you speak,

ENyou are painting a picture in someone else's mind or in your own.

ENRuiz calls the very first

ENagreement, be impeccable with your word.

ENNow impeccable does not mean perfect.

ENThe word comes from the Latin for sin.

ENAnd without sin simply means without going against

ENyourself.

ENSo being impeccable with your word means using it in the direction of truth and

ENlove, not self-destruction.

ENLet's talk about the sneaky version of this first,

ENgossip.

ENGossip is not just talking about someone behind their back.

ENIt is any time we use words to spread negativity.

ENAnd here is the part most people

ENmiss.

ENGossip works like a boomerang.

ENBefore that negative word ever reaches anyone else,

ENit has to pass through you first.

ENYou cannot poison someone else's mind without tasting

ENa little of that poison yourself.

ENLet me tell you about Aiko.

ENAiko had just started

ENa new job at a design studio in Toronto.

ENOn her second week, a co-worker leaned in

ENclose and whispered, don't trust Marcus.

ENHe takes credit for everyone's work.

ENAiko felt that little thrill, the thrill of being in the know.

ENShe almost repeated it at lunch.

ENBut something stopped her.

ENShe remembered a line from a book she had just started reading.

ENThis book.

ENYour word is a seed and gossip is planting weeds in someone else's garden.

ENSo instead, Aiko just said, I don't really know him yet.

ENI will form my own opinion.

ENAnd she changed the subject.

ENThat, friends, is impeccability with the word.

ENIn real life.

ENBut there is a second, quieter kind of impeccability.

ENHow you speak to yourself.

ENEvery time you make a mistake and whisper, I am so stupid.

ENYou are casting a spell.

ENOn

ENyourself.

ENRuiz says something worth sitting with.

ENIf you cannot forgive yourself,

ENyou cannot really forgive anyone else.

ENSo impeccability starts at home.

ENInside your own head.

ENNow, here is where Aiko's story continues.

ENA week later, Marcus, the very co-worker everyone

ENgossiped about, snapped at her in a team meeting.

ENThis design is amateur.

ENDid you even try?

ENIn front of everyone.

ENAiko's face went hot.

ENThe old Aiko would have gone home and replayed

ENthat sentence 50 times that night.

ENBut this time she remembered the second agreement.

ENDon't take anything personally.

ENRuiz says something almost shocking here.

ENNothing other people do is really because of you.

ENEven when it feels aimed directly at

ENyour chest.

ENMarcus was not commenting on Aiko's talent.

ENHe was having a brutal week.

ENA divorce and a boss breathing down his neck.

ENHis words were a mirror of his own pain.

ENNot a verdict on her work.

ENWhen you take something personally, friends, you are agreeing

ENto eat a plate of food you never ordered.

ENYou are always allowed to say no.

ENAnd here

ENis the twist most people never expect.

ENThis agreement works for compliments too.

ENIf someone calls you brilliant, that is also their projection.

ENTheir mood.

ENTheir own

ENprivate dream.

ENIt is lovely to hear.

ENBut if you build your entire self worth on it,

ENyou will crash the day they change their mind.

ENReal peace comes from being just as

ENunmoved by praise as you are by insult.

ENNot cold, friends.

ENJust steady.

ENBefore we go further, let's collect the tools from today's story.

ENSix expressions straight from Aiko's world.

ENNumber one, to talk behind someone's back.

ENIt means to criticize someone when they are not there to defend themselves.

ENShe talked behind his back at the office party.

ENExactly what Aiko refused to do.

ENNumber two, to hold your tongue.

ENIt means to stop yourself from saying something,

ENusually something critical.

ENI wanted to argue, but I held my tongue.

ENNumber three, to let something roll off your back.

ENIt means an insult or a criticism

ENsimply does not affect you.

ENHe called her lazy, but she let it roll right off her back.

ENNumber four, to take the high road.

ENIt means to behave with more integrity than the other

ENperson, even when it is hard.

ENInstead of shouting back, Aiko took the high road.

ENNumber five, a small but powerful phrase.

ENIt's not about you.

ENWe say this to remind

ENsomeone that another person's bad mood has nothing to do with them.

ENDon't worry about

ENhis comment.

ENIt's not about you.

ENNumber six, to rub someone the wrong way.

ENIt means to irritate someone, often without meaning to.

ENMarcus rubbed everyone the wrong

ENway that week.

ENSix new tools for your toolbox, friends.

ENTalk behind someone's back.

ENHold your tongue.

ENLet it roll off your back.

ENTake the high road.

ENIt's not about you.

ENAnd rub someone the wrong way.

ENNow, friends, it is time for our sentence of the day.

ENToday's sentence comes straight from the spirit of this book.

ENHere it is.

ENMy words are seeds and I choose what I plant.

ENLet's say it one more time slowly.

ENMy words are seeds and I choose what I plant.

ENSay it out loud with us, right now, wherever

ENyou are.

ENLet's close the loop, friends.

ENBe impeccable with your word because gossip

ENpoisons you before it ever poisons anyone else.

ENAnd don't take things personally because

ENmost of what people throw at you was never really about you at all.

ENAiko walked out of

ENthat meeting a little lighter, not because Marcus apologized.

ENBecause she simply stopped

ENcarrying weight that was never hers to carry.

ENEverything from today, the vocabulary,

ENthe transcript, and the translations is waiting for you at yourenglishtoolbox.com.

ENAll completely free.

ENThank you for being here with us,

ENfriends.

ENSee you next time.

ENBye for now.

ENTake care, friends.