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Complete English transcript
Have you ever repeated something someone said about a friend and felt that little sting of guilt
right after?
Or had someone snap at you for no reason and carried that sentence with you for
the rest of the day?
Today we are opening one of the quietest most powerful books ever written
about how we speak and how we listen.
Welcome to Your English Toolbox,
where we train your ears step by step.
I am Martin.
And I am Julia.
Friends,
we are so happy you are here today.
Before we begin, remember this episode has a home online.
YourEnglishToolbox.com.
The interactive transcript of this episode, translations in Farsi,
Spanish, German, and French, vocabulary cards, flashcards, games, and downloadable PDFs,
all completely free.
Today's episode comes from a real book, one that has sold more than
10 million copies worldwide.
It is called The Four Agreements, written by the Mexican author
and healer Don Miguel Ruiz.
It is a short book, but every page hits like a small earthquake.
And today we are opening just two of its four agreements, the ones about your words and
about your peace of mind.
If you stay with us until the end, you will walk away with
three things.
One, why your own words are more powerful than you think, for better or for worse.
Two, like a simple mental shift that makes other people's opinions of you almost powerless.
Three, six brand new English expressions, so you can talk about all of this with confidence.
Let's begin.
Ruiz makes a bold claim early in this book.
He says your word is not just
communication.
It is creation.
Think about it this way, friends.
Every time you speak,
you are painting a picture in someone else's mind or in your own.
Ruiz calls the very first
agreement, be impeccable with your word.
Now impeccable does not mean perfect.
The word comes from the Latin for sin.
And without sin simply means without going against
yourself.
So being impeccable with your word means using it in the direction of truth and
love, not self-destruction.
Let's talk about the sneaky version of this first,
gossip.
Gossip is not just talking about someone behind their back.
It is any time we use words to spread negativity.
And here is the part most people
miss.
Gossip works like a boomerang.
Before that negative word ever reaches anyone else,
it has to pass through you first.
You cannot poison someone else's mind without tasting
a little of that poison yourself.
Let me tell you about Aiko.
Aiko had just started
a new job at a design studio in Toronto.
On her second week, a co-worker leaned in
close and whispered, don't trust Marcus.
He takes credit for everyone's work.
Aiko felt that little thrill, the thrill of being in the know.
She almost repeated it at lunch.
But something stopped her.
She remembered a line from a book she had just started reading.
This book.
Your word is a seed and gossip is planting weeds in someone else's garden.
So instead, Aiko just said, I don't really know him yet.
I will form my own opinion.
And she changed the subject.
That, friends, is impeccability with the word.
In real life.
But there is a second, quieter kind of impeccability.
How you speak to yourself.
Every time you make a mistake and whisper, I am so stupid.
You are casting a spell.
On
yourself.
Ruiz says something worth sitting with.
If you cannot forgive yourself,
you cannot really forgive anyone else.
So impeccability starts at home.
Inside your own head.
Now, here is where Aiko's story continues.
A week later, Marcus, the very co-worker everyone
gossiped about, snapped at her in a team meeting.
This design is amateur.
Did you even try?
In front of everyone.
Aiko's face went hot.
The old Aiko would have gone home and replayed
that sentence 50 times that night.
But this time she remembered the second agreement.
Don't take anything personally.
Ruiz says something almost shocking here.
Nothing other people do is really because of you.
Even when it feels aimed directly at
your chest.
Marcus was not commenting on Aiko's talent.
He was having a brutal week.
A divorce and a boss breathing down his neck.
His words were a mirror of his own pain.
Not a verdict on her work.
When you take something personally, friends, you are agreeing
to eat a plate of food you never ordered.
You are always allowed to say no.
And here
is the twist most people never expect.
This agreement works for compliments too.
If someone calls you brilliant, that is also their projection.
Their mood.
Their own
private dream.
It is lovely to hear.
But if you build your entire self worth on it,
you will crash the day they change their mind.
Real peace comes from being just as
unmoved by praise as you are by insult.
Not cold, friends.
Just steady.
Before we go further, let's collect the tools from today's story.
Six expressions straight from Aiko's world.
Number one, to talk behind someone's back.
It means to criticize someone when they are not there to defend themselves.
She talked behind his back at the office party.
Exactly what Aiko refused to do.
Number two, to hold your tongue.
It means to stop yourself from saying something,
usually something critical.
I wanted to argue, but I held my tongue.
Number three, to let something roll off your back.
It means an insult or a criticism
simply does not affect you.
He called her lazy, but she let it roll right off her back.
Number four, to take the high road.
It means to behave with more integrity than the other
person, even when it is hard.
Instead of shouting back, Aiko took the high road.
Number five, a small but powerful phrase.
It's not about you.
We say this to remind
someone that another person's bad mood has nothing to do with them.
Don't worry about
his comment.
It's not about you.
Number six, to rub someone the wrong way.
It means to irritate someone, often without meaning to.
Marcus rubbed everyone the wrong
way that week.
Six new tools for your toolbox, friends.
Talk behind someone's back.
Hold your tongue.
Let it roll off your back.
Take the high road.
It's not about you.
And rub someone the wrong way.
Now, friends, it is time for our sentence of the day.
Today's sentence comes straight from the spirit of this book.
Here it is.
My words are seeds and I choose what I plant.
Let's say it one more time slowly.
My words are seeds and I choose what I plant.
Say it out loud with us, right now, wherever
you are.
Let's close the loop, friends.
Be impeccable with your word because gossip
poisons you before it ever poisons anyone else.
And don't take things personally because
most of what people throw at you was never really about you at all.
Aiko walked out of
that meeting a little lighter, not because Marcus apologized.
Because she simply stopped
carrying weight that was never hers to carry.
Everything from today, the vocabulary,
the transcript, and the translations is waiting for you at yourenglishtoolbox.com.
All completely free.
Thank you for being here with us,
friends.
See you next time.
Bye for now.
Take care, friends.
